I’d like to propose a new rating system for restaurants, cafes, and bars. Instead
of the tired old star system, or some highly poetic, but thoroughly
individual review of how the food or drinks taste and are served, my
proposal is to rate all public locales by the music they play.This rating system is based on the belief that music does not merely fill
space and time, but shapes space and time. In other words, whether as
foreground or background, ambient music is like the soundtrack of our
experience, profoundly affecting how we feel about and relate to a
place.
The rest after the jump. So what do you think?
My system does not imply anything about the style of the music.
There are plenty of places where screeching, screaming, thumping,
pounding music is entirely appropriate and welcome, and which can
therefore play this music with complete integrity for the delight of
its customers. A dance club playing dance music seems like an excellent
marriage of music and place.
The same music, however, played at the corner café, where people
gather to talk, to read, and to write blogs, and where screeching,
screaming, thumping, pounding music is played primarily to keep the
staff from falling asleep over their cappuccino machines — this would
be an example, in my opinion, of irreconcilable differences between
music and place. The music prevents you from enjoying the place.
My rating system, therefore, describes the relationship between
music and place in terms of the emotional communication between the
two. It has the following gradations, from best to worst:
1. Intuitive. (“You always know how I’m feeling!”)
2. Friendly. (“Um, okay. I can see your point.”)
3. Neutral. (“I’m sorry, did you say something?”)
4. Obnoxious. (“You don’t care how I feel!”)
It’s a very personal kind of rating system, I admit. But I believe
that if enough people subscribe to it, the demand for sensitive musical
choices in public locations everywhere will increase, and life will
improve for everyone.
One more category needs to be mentioned. If we understand the
relationship between music and place in emotional terms, then this
final category has many qualities of the best: it recognizes the moods
and functions of a place, while seeking to delight and please the
customers. But these qualities are passive-aggressive: they are used
with ulterior motives, most often to sell you something. This final
category, therefore, is:
5. Manipulative. (“You say you care, but I don’t trust you!”)
Two kinds of location define this category for me. Chain bookstores,
especially during December (is there a limit to the number of times one
can hear “Winter Wonderland” before suffering permanent damage?) and a
certain ubiquitous “café.”
How do your favorite places rate?



