Who’s YOUR City? Blog

One category of people not addressed in Richard’s work (from what I know about it so far) is the category I’m in. I’m 42, still single, no kids, disabled due to an incurable/non-fatal incapacitating illness, & completely impoverished (on SSI). I’m definitely an “open to experience” type of person that he speaks of in his book–but I’ve been taken out of the game by illness, isolation, & poverty. I lived in Pittsburgh, PA for 32 years. There was a period of time where I was extremely creative (artist, acting, film, writing) & felt I had outgrown the city–and needed to move to a more progressive place. At the same time, though, my illness was progressing. I ended up having to apply for SSI, and was turned down. I was about to be homeless, and had to move to wherever I could find someone willing to help me. That turned out to be outside of the San Diego, CA area (a stranger on the internet helped me briefly). I was able to get SSI here, and feel financially TRAPPED here now. Other than getting the assistance here that I couldn’t get back east, I have HATED EVERY MOMENT of my life in this SOULLESS place. I HATE Southern CA!!! The people I’ve met here have been SHALLOW, NASTY, MEAN, SELFISH, CLOSE-MINDED, JUDGMENTAL, SUPERFICIAL, ULTRA CONSERVATIVE, & FLAKY. If they act nice for a moment, they switch to nasty the next. And they have all been COLD hearted. And NOBODY here takes friendship s eriously. I’ve been STUCK here for 10 years. I am surviving physically, but dying in every other way. I have not been able to make ONE friend here. (I had 100’s of friends back east–until I became ill & they all abandoned me.)

Where do people still treat the impoverished & disabled with dignity, kindness, friendship, support, & acceptance? Where can the poor still have a decent life? Where can the different & isolated find a community of people? Where would a person give me the time of day once they see my old car or find out that I’m on disability? People wont even speak to me here after they either find out I’m disabled or poor. They literally just walk away from me in mid sentence after I answer “the California interrogation” as I call it (i.e. as soon as they find out I’m poor and/or ill). Does anybody have any ideas for a better place for me?

Sent by Marie from Carlsbad, CA

I moved to Cincinnati about 2 years ago (yes, for a love….but now that’s done). I am interested in a new chapter of my life. I am young, single, and fairly outgoing. I enjoy going out to the bars, but am not much of a “clubber”. Anyone have any good ideas for a new city? I keep resorting back to home (also midwest), and I just don’t know if I am ready to move back quite yet. Cincinnati is great, if you have a significant other. There are a lot of fun things to do and cool neighborhoods to check out. It has a lot more than I ever thought it could offer, but without a “significant other”, you are an outsider. Its hard to meet people here without having a close set of friends that are Cincinnati-homegrown.

Any suggestions for new cities for young people like me?

Sent by A from Cincinnati

I live in Wilson, NC– a very small town that’s trying to act like a big city with a small town attitude. Even though we have a growing and thriving international population, the powers that be are dominated by the ‘ole boys club’: white males over the age of 40. Museums for adults do not exist in this town, the library is wonderful (in part due to folks who don’t live in Wilson), and a few international restaurants are starting to open. Wilson’s claim to fame is tobacco and its location: about 50 miles east of Raleigh and 40 miles west of Greenville.

I did not go through the local school system as a child. I went to a Math/Science High school in a large city, attended a Liberal Arts college, then grad school in Lexington, KY. I had to come back to help with an ailing mother, who is still alive. She wants to remain in Wilson–this is her hometown and her family is here. I’m also a math teacher.

I find a lot of native Wilsonian petty, unthinking, ultra conservative, racist (both the blacks and whites) and so religious (i.e. they can justify their racism, homophobia and hatred of strong women from the Bible). My tolerance level is hitting an all time low with such thinking. My small band of friends are not from Wilson (but live here, even though most are talking about leaving themselves), and when I want to go and see art, plays, clubs etc., I have to travel 50 miles to Raleigh.

So what city do you suggest?

Sent by Paully from Wilson, NC

I grew up in Chattanooga, TN. It has a lot good going for it these days, but it’s still too conservative for my tastes. I’m sociable by nature but a minority in being a non-church-goer. My husband and I have been living the expat life for 8 solid years now (the Balkans, Africa, the Middle East and Asia). We work in international aid and development and are used to and enjoy diversity.

Eventually we will have to come back home for family reasons. Family is very important to me. I can’t stomach the idea of living in the suburbs of Atlanta, but where can we go? Is DC our only option? It’s not exactly close. If not either of these, we are likely going to have to make some career change since the work we’ve been doing seems to need an international city hub.

Sent by Kate from Amman, Jordan

My wife and I are an interracial couple with two young children. We are also teachers. We love Austin because of its coolness, tolerance, and lack of chain stores. However, it has gotten too expensive to live downtown and we hear teaching jobs are hard to come by.

I have heard that Louisville is an up and coming Austin. Is this true? or would anyone know another up and coming city that has similar qualities as Austin?

Sent by Fred from Las Vegas

I currently live in Huntington, WV, a college town, but still on the small side.

I had lived in New York city for almost 9 years, but moved back when I had my son. I am finishing up school, and am wanting to move to another city. My two choices are Austin, TX or St. Petersburg, FL.

I am looking for employment as a medical coder/health information management. Also, I am into healthy living – organic foods, yoga, holistic medicine, and am environmentally conscious. I want to live in an environment that is diverse on all levels. I need somewhere that is affordable. And finally, I want to live in a place that has good schools for my son. Does Austin or St. Petersburg live up to this?, or should i look elsewhere?

Sent by Jill from Huntington, WV

My wife met in Cincinnati, OH and have lived here for too long. We have some family here and a lot of friends but we are still very unhappy in this city. The climate is bad and I have horrible allergies to almost every tree in the Mid-West.

I am a social worker and my wife is finishing up graduate school soon. We are hoping to move somewhere in Colorado in the next year or two, but we are not quite sure where. We have been there three times and enjoy the open space, green technology, historic downtowns, and clean/dry air.

My wife will soon have her Master’s degree in Occupational Therapy and I would like to open my own vintage shop at some point. Are there any suggestions (especially from those of you in Colorado) where we should look further into? Even if it is not Colorado, we just need some advice… and we NEED to leave the Mid-West!

Sent by Jim from Cincinnati

I am a young female, married for two years and in love with the west more specifically Colorado.

My husband and I are outdoor adventurers and have taken yearly trips out to Colorado (Boulder area, Durango, Fort Collins) and we are in love with it. I currently reside in Syracuse,NY where my husband and I moved to further his career. My question to all who reside in Colorado, is am I giving Colorado too much credit? Is it really as wonderful as I imagine it to be?

Sent by Katie from Syracuse, NY

I have always thought I would end up somewhere different and not just stay where I grew up. I would like to consider moving out of the Midwest and taking our two children to see other parts of the world. I would really like to move to Europe. I speak some French (though it’s been a while since I studied it).

But I struggle with the adjustment for the kids and how we would cope as a family. My husband doesn’t really speak any other languages. I also wonder about employment – his degree is in business, which is pretty general. How do you go about uprooting your family, finding a job and moving to another country?

Sent by Natalie from Louisville

I am a single white 35 year old woman with a great career that pays me enough to live in a nice neighborhood in most cities (including New York City, where I live now). Also, my field (engineering) is in high demand so I could work in any city in the US for the most part.

My decision on where to live is governed primarily on where I have the best chance of meeting my future husband. I didn’t see any category in the book that includes “best city for single 30 someth ings”. This is a bit frustrating, as the best singles cities seems to only cover up to age 29.

Anyway, I have been single for almost a year and a half and currently have no prospects, although I have worked hard to date and meet people. Let me add that I am attractive and personable, have tons of friends, and love going out and cultural events. I just think that it is very hard for mid-30 women in NYC to meet men that want a relationship. Good thing I just got a new job in Washington DC!! Does anyone have advice on this topic?

Thanks.

Sent by Anna from New York